Day 6 Symbolic commemoration activity

If information is available for public funeral rites, it is important to share it with staff, parents and students if relevant.

If the rites are scheduled on a school day, a decision must be made whether students are allowed to miss school or whether transportation can be arranged for a group of students. Students should not be prevented from participating in this important activity.

Whether it is a minute of silence followed by a short speech or a flight of paper planes, the commemoration activity is a unifying event that completes the intervention period.

All students should have the opportunity to take part in the collective symbolic activity, as everyone has received the information and it is difficult to determine which classes are more affected by the situation. This activity closes the loop on this exceptional event. It should be noted that the collective commemoration activity should be reserved for students and staff, as the presence of the family could interfere with the reactions of some young people or staff members.

Commemoration should always be approached the same way, regardless of the person who died or the type of death. Avoid stigmatizing or paying attention to particular details of the death, as this could be perceived very negatively by loved ones. The purpose of the activity is to honor the memory of the deceased person. All actions and words must be measured in order to avoid – even unintentionally – any form of idealization, as this could adversely influence vulnerable people. The following should be avoided:

• Romanticizing suffering (e.g., “He was too kind for this cruel world”).
• Focusing on the type of death.
• Making the passing too symbolic (e.g., talking about rest or about the end of suffering, or using images, e.g., “He chose to join the northern lights”).
• Simplifying the cause of death, which is often complex.
• Idealizing the event or calling the person a hero (e.g., “He had the courage to…”, “She left this world as a true heroine”).
• Devaluing life (e.g., “He is better off now”).

In order to make the commemoration fair and caring, keep in mind the following key elements:

• Focus on the person, their values and the memories they leave behind.
• Where appropriate, use the opportunity to raise awareness about prevention, mental health and available resources, reminding people of the importance of seeking help.
• Use neutral language.
• Create a sober and safe space, and avoid sensationalism or unnecessary details.

With the class, the friends or the colleagues of the deceased, take down the commemoration site. Do this with care, providing information about what will be done with the artwork, messages and photos.

Some schools have a special place where photos of the deceased are displayed. This place should be discreet but highlight those who have passed on. Make sure to treat all deceased people equally. The name of the deceased should not be given to the library. Discretion is important. You don’t want to create a cemetery in the middle of the schoolyard.